Entering The World of Adulthood

Long time, no blog. This has been the longest time between blog posts since I started my blog! It was a completely unintentional hiatus, life just got very busy very quickly and I feel like I’m still trying to find my feet with it all. I feel as though I've been quickly rushing through things in life at the moment that I haven't even had a proper chance to sit and reflect and catch my breath with it all. So much has happened in a relatively short space of time … So, where to begin😄 

Well, my last post was on finishing university and I feel like I’ve lived a whole other life since that time. I’ve started my first “grown up” job. I’m now a newly qualified primary school teacher teaching a triple composite class. Overall I’m having a positive experience with it all but of course there have been a few times where things have been more difficult. I feel like my thoughts are always consumed by planning and preparing things and working out what I can do to be better each day. There's definitely been days where I've questioned whether I'm actually really ready to do this job but I'm trying my hardest to do the very best for the children I teach.

My biggest struggle with everything recently has been this whole idea of “growing up.” Since my last year at uni was so unlike anything I had ever experienced, it almost feels like that year never really happened and now all of a sudden I’m expected to do a job and have a lot more responsibility than I’ve ever experienced before. I feel like I missed a whole transition period between finishing uni and now. It’s like one minute I was a semi-adult to now being thrown into the deep-end of the world of full-on adulthood over the space of a summer. I still feel like I don’t even really know how to “adult” and that other people can see this. I think all of the COVID lockdowns last year/the start of this year didn’t help matters. I now almost feel as though it’s stunted my emotional growth or something. 

I started this blog when I was 18 and just starting university so as to have a creative outlet to distract myself from the anxieties that came with starting something so new - a whole new chapter in life. Now I’m 22 and have moved onto the next big life moment yet I still have many of the same/similar issues I had when I was a teen. I thought that I’d just somehow grow into a confident young women by the time I’d finished with university, but I currently still feel like the socially anxious, awkward young girl I’ve always been. I’m hoping that as the rest of this big year goes on that my confidence - in myself and my abilities - will slowly start to grow and that I start to feel more comfortable with the stage I’m at in life. 

It’s just so odd to think that childhood is completely over - has been for a while - and now it’s time to explore the big wide world from a whole new perspective. Over the years I’ve discovered that I don’t really deal with change all too well. Outwardly I think I do - like if you were an onlooker to my life, I think it would look as though I’m taking everything in my stride as it comes; I think I even try to convince myself that that’s what I’m doing. But if I’m being honest with myself, then I know that in reality I’m overwhelmed by all of the changes that have taken place. My friends are all in the same sort of place right now which helps because it’s nice to have people who relate to the things you’re feeling. We’re all on this adulthood rollercoaster together, all dealing with things in our own ways and trying to just get on with it all as best we can. 

I recently finished watching ‘Boy Meets World’ and the last episode saw the main characters finishing university and preparing to go out into the world.  The show in general has felt quite relatable at times as protagonist Cory Matthews grows and learns different life lessons. Watching the final episode definitely came at a perfect time right now as it ended at the same stage in life I'm in right now. I want to take on board what Mr. Feeny (William Daniels) said at the end: 

“Believe in yourselves. Dream. Try. Do good.”

I think it’s a good motto when going through life in general. 

Bye for now, xo