Thoughts Before Final Year Of University

I actually can't quite believe that I'll be starting my fourth and final year of university in the coming weeks. These past four years have absolutely flown past. I wanted to create this post as a way to write down all of the feelings I have right now before my last year of uni begins so that I can re-read this once my final year is over. 

If you're new to my blog, I'm currently at university studying to become a primary school teacher (teaching children aged between 4 and 12). This has been something that I've wanted to do since I was about 14 years old - up until then, I kept changing my mind about what I thought I wanted to go on to do in the future😄

When I started my blog, I was a couple months into my first semester of my very first year at university and I was struggling, quite a bit if I'm honest. I've spoken about my initial feelings in a number of posts because it was such a big thing for me. The transition from high school to university was huge and difficult for me. I was leaving behind the familiarity of the past six years and stepping into something new for the first time since beginning high school. With high school I had a 15 minute walk with friends to get to school whereas for university I had to take a 45 minute train journey and then walk 20 minutes from the station to get to the campus and then find my way around all by myself. It was really daunting. On top of that, I knew no one and had to try and remember how to make friends again. My socially anxious self really struggled with that in the beginning and I found myself floating around different groups of people, trying to find where I could possibly fit in. In the beginning, I felt like I actually didn't fit in, at all. Everyone seemed to find/click with people almost instantly and in lectures and seminars, everyone seemed to know what was going on and what was being spoken about whereas I felt like I had no clue what was going on half the time. I definitely had a case of imposter syndrome.

At Christmas time, after my first semester of first year, I felt close to dropping out all together. I felt like I hadn't really made any progress with making some uni friends and I still felt like I had no clue what was going on in my classes and I was just overall quite unhappy. My dad could tell that something was up - despite the fact I tried to act like everything was fine - and so we went on a walk and got talking and I eventually broke down and told him how miserable I was. We had a good long chat about it all and I agreed to at least make it through the first year before deciding whether this was the right path for me or not. I'm so glad I decided to stick it out! Coming back after Christmas was like seeing things from a whole new perspective - I managed to find a group of girls to stick with who were so lovely and I felt so much less alone; I began to better understand what was being spoken about in lectures and seminars and overall began to enjoy the uni experience a little more; and I enjoyed getting the train by myself.

Four years on and overall I've enjoyed the course; I've got some great, supportive friends; I've had two really good primary school placements and one additional support needs school placement and I've learned a lot about the profession that I'm hoping to be apart of when I graduate. 

THOUGHTS

This year I've got a dissertation to write which is currently a very daunting and overwhelming thought - especially as I'll need to begin the initial reading for that very soon. I had a dissertation proposal due for the first of June this year and it's been approved so now I'm hoping that I'm able to write a really good, interesting dissertation by the end of the year. I'm also hoping that my final placement goes well. It's so weird because right at this moment, I still can't imagine myself having my very own class and being an actual proper teacher😄. I just really want to do my best this year and make some final memories of the whole university experience. I'm planning on joining the uni's photography club (typical of me to wait until the last year before joining any clubs😄) and I'm hoping to spend more time with the uni girls this year outside of actual uni time. I'd really like to stay in touch with the friends I've made because they've really helped me through university and I've got a feeling I'll still be constantly looking for support after we've graduated.

Even though I'm going into my final year, I'm still nervous about what the year will have in store (there's some excitement too of course, but the larger emotion is definitely nerves at the moment😄). Things seem like they're going to be quite different this year - for one thing, the majority of lectures/seminars will be online via zoom. I don't actually mind zoom lectures if they have been pre-recorded and you can watch them whenever you want; however, some of the online zoom lectures are live and require participation which isn't such a fun thought. But I'll actually miss physically travelling into uni and meeting up with friends. As much as I haven't always enjoyed it in the past, it's still a part of the whole overall university experience and I feel like I'll be missing out on a lot in my final year.

I've had so many new experiences throughout my time at university and done things that I genuinely didn't think I'd be able to at the start. I never really take the time to properly think about it all but you know what, I'm actually pretty proud of myself for everything I've managed throughout my time at university so far!

To anyone who is starting university/college this year, I wish you the very best of luck - remember you're not alone and there will be so many people feeling the way you are. I think it's also important to note that the university route isn't the best suited for everyone and that's absolutely fine too. You don't have to go to uni to "make something of yourself".

Bye for now, xo